2012-05-06

Don’t Just Stop a Quarrel: Get Rid of It

Sadly, many times husband and wife quarrel, and not just once, but over and over again. How can you resolve a situation? How can you get over a quarrel? Many approaches have been tried. Maybe the husband will go and buy some stuff from cosmestore for his wife, or flowers, or something else that he knows that she values, in hopes that she will be pleased with the gift, realize he loves her and forget about what they had been quarreling about. Maybe the wife will start crying in hopes that her husband will see her distress, feel sorry for her, and stop the quarrel, at least for the moment. On the other hand, maybe she too will go and buy him something that she knows he likes, or make his favorite food for supper to try to appease him.

These methods may indeed help to ease feelings and to stop the quarrel. However the most important thing is not just to stop the quarrel, but to resolve the issue. If the nasty words have stopped, but the nasty feelings are still boiling in the heart under the surface, the quarrel is not really over and will spring up the next chance it gets. How can you truly resolve a quarrel, and not just stop it for the moment?

There are several factors that play into actually quenching a quarrel. Since each person is responsible for himself or herself, you are the one who must take the initiative. Do not wait for your spouse to do so. If you have the right attitudes, that is what you are responsible for, and one person with the right attitudes often will encourage the other one to have correct attitudes also.

First of all, you must have humility. Don’t always be trying to show that you are best, that you know most, that your ideas and ways of doing things are better. Be willing to look at things from the other person’s point of view.

Another very important factor is that you must be willing to recognize it when you have been wrong. Even if it was not all your fault, or not mostly your fault, don’t try to shift your blame to your spouse. Be willing to admit your own short comings, and the things you have done wrong. Be willing to acknowledge that you have hurt the other person, and to ask forgiveness. This does not come easily, especially when you have to take the initiative, but it is important for a healthy relationship. Equally important is the need to forgive your spouse, just as you would want to be forgiven.